In this parody of Grand Hotel, despite a dying man's efforts to enjoy his final days, a jewel thief trying to comfort a great dancer, and a big business deal in progress, there are still those who say that "nothing ever happens here."

A notorious Mexican bandit goes all soft and mushy when he falls for a beautiful senorita. Warner Bros.' Captain Thunder contains some of the darndest Mexican accents you've ever heard in your life. The star is Hungarian-born Victor Varconi, portraying a legendary south of the border outlaw who tries to force Canadian senorita Fay Wray to marry a rival rustler whom she despises. She pleads with the bandito so pathetically that he is moved to grant her a single wish. Without hesitation she chooses her poor but true love. The bandit king, being a somewhat honorable fellow grants the wish and without a twitch, guns down the wicked cattle thief. Fortunately the film was played for comedy, a wise decision since it probably would have garnered laughs as a straight drama anyway.

When crime boss Big Mike Morgan is killed, his lieutenant, "Doc" Rogers, learns that Morgan has a son named Edward living in the country with his mother. Rogers has naïve Edward brought to the city and installs him as the head of Acme Protective Agency. Good-hearted Eddy assumes his company provides insurance, rather than extortion-- But don't be too hard on the guy, he still doesn't know he's Baby Face Morgan, the most feared gangster in the city!

An ex-gunfighter woos two women while avenging his brother, victim of a crooked gambler.

Porky decides to start a garden. Mayhem ensues.

When beautiful Mary returns to her "whistle stop" hometown, long-standing feelings of animosity between two of her old boyfriends leads to robbery and murder.

A playwright descended from the Borgia family becomes a murder suspect.

Helen Chernen pushes her younger sister Katherine into show business in order to escape their small town poverty.