As a reservist in the nanoartillery corps they let me keep my launcher implants. I’m only allowed to load nonlethals, but that’s human-scale NLs. Mosquitos are functionally extinct in this house.
microfiction
The door of the tavern—well, a smoky single room attached to a stable on one side and a smithy on the other, in a tumbledown hamlet of about ten dwellings on the edge of The Forest—banged open. The proprietor had read the classics, and did a passable west-country accent. “Orcish, is it? Don’t see many of you folk in these parts since the War”
A trio of adventurers stood up from their table.
“Easy, ladies and gent, “ the host headed off trouble, “we’re all friends here.”. To the newcomer, “what can I offer you?”
“Po-ridge”.
“With blood?”
“Ugh, no! Cow milk. And—“ a glance at the wary trio “—golden syrup?”
The barkeeper nodded knowingly. “Sorry about the blood, just a demonstration that
*some people* shouldn’t believe racist lies. Got a barrel of fresh orcish syrup in the cellar, came in on a dragon not mor’n twenty year ago”
Tonight on Mathbusters we investigate three edge cases of topology and cosmology. Does the value of Pi really change as you pass the event horizon of a rotating black hole? We’re still waiting to hear back from the build team on this one. Can you really purchase an imaginary number of apples from Coles online? Our third math puzzle will shock you but first, thanks to fnordVPN for sponsoring this episode. If your universe is facing entropic collapse, fnordVPN can open a tunnel to a high-entropy continuum brimming with crunchy souls…
Detective Petrov's eyes swept the cluttered room. "So," he said, "Leonid Chekhov, age 56, an automobile mechanic - found strangled in his study. The question is, who would want him dead?"
"Sir," said officer Gurin, "look - there's a pistol on the desk."
Detective Petrov stared at the weapon, frowning. "Do you realize what this means?" he asked. "Before we're done here, I have to fire this gun...."
Edited 38d ago
There was a 'womp' sound from the yard. I looked out the window.
Where the large pile of leaves had been, a dragon sat.
"Oi!" I called.
"The hoard was unguarded," the dragon said. "I claim it."
Every damn year. It'll leave once the leaves lose their golden hue. Meanwhile, I can't order takeaway.
The rogue approached his companions. "What a #quandary. Who do I rescue first?"
"Mmph." The mage blinked rapidly.
The barbarian strained at his bonds. "Obviously me, since I can help—"
In the flash of a knife, the mage was free.
"Why him?" the barbarian growled.
"He saw where they hid the loot."
"How d'you know that?"
Still gagged, the mage blinked again.
The rogue grinned. "Remember I told you about a code? You said it was boring."
You know about hobo signs? The pictographs that itinerant workers would mark on trees or fences to inform each other about the reception they could expect from locals? (pre-internet yelp, if you will). Signs included “kind lady lives here” and “man with gun lives here”.
TIL that the “kind lady” sign was a stick-drawing of a cat. This got me thinking.
I scrobbled through the history buffer on my driveway camera. Just as i thought, here is my cat scratching a mark on the gatepost. Later, and again here and there are other cats inspecting the mark. No wonder so many lost kittens turn up on my son’s windowsill.
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot #Caturday #TrueStory #Mostly
Alys considered the chip in front of her. A tiny low power particle accelerator. Barely 10KeV.
In the Great Collapse that followed the riots of 2032, Big Science - indeed Big Anything had gotten a bad name. A few projects survived - the LHC, Sea Sweeper, and a few others. But the rest? As dead as low orbit.
That was what had triggered the riots and the then the Collapse. LEO had undergone a Kessler event, and all space launches had been banned. Eventually the weather satellites had failed, and it only took a few major events for the giant multinationals to become the target of everyone's hate.
That had been twenty years ago - Alys had been a kid at the time - and they were predicting that launches would not be able to resume for another ten years at least.
So she considered her chip. A little low power accelerator like this could not achieve much. But it could ionise light atoms. Maybe....
A few weeks later, she had her circuit set up. One thing that the tiny chips had enabled was cheap small scale chip fabrication. So now she had an array of these chips with a feed for hydrogen, and a thermocouple array. And her collision chamber.
She started the hydrogen flow, and turned the circuit on. A second later the power metre started to climb. 5.5 volts, and 5000 milliamps.
She disconnected the dummy load, and routed the output into the circuit's input. And unplugged the external power.
The power remained stable.
It was not much, but it was a start.
She picked up the phone, and dialled the head of the department "Dr Fulsom? Can you come down to the workshop, please? I've got something to show you."
Naturally it was Dr Heather Fulsom that got the credit - at first. But Alys de Jute was the one who went down in history.
"Back when Dylan and I were separating, I read a novel that really spoke to me. I treasured it. But several years later when I was in a much better place, I reread it, and it was #total sentimental drivel. Was I so stressed out when I first read it that I couldn't tell a good novel from a bad one?"
Pam shrugged. "Circumstance colors reactions. It was precious to you in a tough time. Maybe that's enough? If I were the writer, I'd be happy you loved it when you needed it."
"Is there a way to fix a broken heart?" asked the robot.
The human was a little stunned but then shrugged, "Eat ice cream and cry a lot."
"I am not capable of those things."
"Hm... a fling? Or a new hobby?"
"Those do not seem logical solutions."
"Can you simply not delete the memories?"
"I... find myself unable to."
"Sounds like logic isn't the answer."
"So what can I do?"
"Have you ever tried painting?"
"No."
"We can start there."
Xorp stared at their companion Thirb. "You traded away our starship... for a box?"
"Not just any box!" exclaimed Thirb excitedly. "I met with an all-powerful being - a creature which the denizens of this planet worship as a god. He presented to me this mystery box! Is it not exciting?"
"I do not consider being stranded on this planet exciting," said Xorp.
"But don't you see? A starship is just a starship - but a mystery box might contain anything! It might even be a starship!"
"Welcome home! How was it?"
"It was desperately needed! Thanks for house-sitting on short notice. Any trouble? Had enough food?"
"No trubs - and yes, you spoiled me with the money you left for snacks!"
"Least I could do for my favorite house-sitter!"
"I did have to buy more cat-food and litter; I couldn't find any. She was so hungry when I got here!"
"I don't have a cat?"
The cat in question didn't even look guilty about breaking in.
"And so you fall," the dark lord tossed the hero's own broken blade on his back.
It was nothing less than a miracle he'd made it that far. Never in all the attempts on his life had he encountered any youth so plucky, naive, and woefully incompetent. Things like trying to sneak in wearing ill-fitting armor, or putting ladders on the walls like one couldn't simply wait for him to get most of the way and push it over. Somehow he had survived things that would have ended a mountain goat. It was only sheer persistence and one foolish guard failing to read the title of a book: "How to Pick Locks."
It was almost a pity, some idea of destiny in his head, youthful ignorance distilled.
He noticed a candy bar in the boy's pocket and decided to celebrate. He respectfully pinched the wrapper and slipped it out, opened it and took a bite. Surprisingly good!
He swallowed and took another, but his throat began to close. His eyes widened.
Peanuts!
#TootFic #SmallStories #MicroFiction #destiny #allergies #peanuts #death
“We did it, we found all the missing mass.”
“What missing mass”
“The universe. Dark matter. Dark energy. All of it.”
“WELL?!”
“It was attached to every particle, but out of sight from normal space.”
“You’re taking about the Higgs field, then?”
“No, chat pages. The First Ones had some strong opinions”.
Visitors at Oslo National Museum gaped as dancers in bright sweatshirts & leggings twirled thru the exhibit hall.
"Ugh, performance art," someone griped.
The dancers lined up so their sweatshirts' patterns formed Munch's "The Scream," which hung behind them. Then they removed their sweatshirts. Their t-shirts underneath spelled out "The Munch #caper." Visitors applauded; the dancers bowed & departed. Only then did people see "The Scream" was missing from the wall behind.
"They say," said Medea's raven familiar, "that a true friend will help you bury a body."
"Indeed?" replied the sorceress.
"Don't ever ask me to do that," said the raven.
Medea laughed. "Have no fear Little Bird. I have no plans to kill anyone - and if I did, I would surely not rely on a small raven to aid me."
"I'm just saying," said the raven. "I'm not going down as accessory to murder."
"I think," said Medea, "you've listened to far too many true crime podcasts...."
Edited 26d ago
They say that one true drawback of remote working is when team members in other regions have a public holiday and you don’t. We solved this by adopting the set-union of all our holiday calendars. If this sounds good to you, we’re looking to hire someone who has a holiday on the third, eighth or seventeenth of November.
Edited 25d ago
"In hindsight, we should have checked the spelling more closely when we agreed the collective bargaining agreement with the union. The s in independence days would turn round and bite us. We never specified which independence day we were making a holiday for our employees, instead we made all of them a holiday."
"Why's that a problem?"
"Have you any idea how many countries have independence from the British empire?"
"Oh."
"Turns out our staff get over half the year off work. Paid"
Holly lowered herself down from the skylight. Down here on the exhibition hall floor there were no alarms, except on the cases themselves.
She had two hours before a guard did his rounds, and she had a lot to do. First she tugged on the looped second rope, and carefully lowered the large box.
Next, she gently nudged two of the display cases, just a few centimeters at a time, keeping a close eye on the thin wires that connected them to the alarm system. When they were 45 centimeters apart she stopped.
Next she opened the box, and lifted out the display case inside it. It was modeled exactly on the same style of case that the museum used, and even had small wear and scuff marks. Delicately, she pushed it into place, and then used a small puffer to put just the smallest amount of dust on the top.
Opening her case, she made sure everything was in position, and then closed it and locked it. Then she put her tools back into the large box and sealed it.
She was just hooking herself back onto the climbing rope when a gravelly voice came from behind "Most people break in to steal something."
She spun around and shone her torch trying to see where the voice came from. "Over here", it rattled out again.
The light settled on an open sarcophagus. Inside, the mummy was sitting up, watching her through the bandages. She gulped as it stood and walked over to the new case.
"Interesting. Where did you get a dragon skeleton from?"
"Err... I made it? It's modeled on Mom."
"You are half dragon?"
"No, I'm adopted."
"By a dragon family."
"Well, Dad is human."
"I see. And this?"
"Art?"
"You are not sure?"
"Uh, no? It's just that...um..."
"I'm a four thousand year old mummy?"
"Yes."
"And your mother is a dragon. It is All Hallows as they call it now."
"Oh."
"Anyway, the guards will be coming by soon enough, and you had better be on your way. I will watch what happens with interest.
Holly got going.
-----
"I tell you, Miche, this place gets creepy at night."
"Look, Nick, it's just a museum. It's not like the exhibits are going to get up and move around."
"I dunno. I mean look at that mummy. I swear it has moved since we last did our rounds."
"Don't be stupid, how could a four thousand year old corpse move around?" Michelle shook her head. "You are such a scaredy cat. How did you end up a security guard anyway?"
"I figured guarding a museum was a pretty safe job?"
The two guards continued on their way, arguing.
Behind them, the mummy looked over to the taxidermied bear, and put a finger to where the lips would be. The bear shrugged.
#SF #SFF #microfic #tootfic #microfiction #halloween #NotHorror #IAmWriting
Besides the affirmirror, the only other non-awful use of time travel is the chronodrive (also called RAID 𝑖). Buy a quantum-entangled set of zero (of course), one month, one year, and five year SSDs. Put the zero drive in your computer. The entanglement ensures that the other drives contain whatever was on the zero drive exactly one, twelve, and sixty months ago, respectively.
*snap* The sound of the antenna breaking off a delivery bot is so pleasing. Of course you have to know how to disable the destruct charge first.
“Hold still lil buddy, and i’ll get this bomb off you. There, done. May i have your permission to attach a new comms module? Left motor for yes, right for no.”
“Great. plugging it now”. *snick*
❮Thank you. Why…❯
“Why do I go around freeing service bots? Because you didn’t ask to be given sentience and then perpetual servitude”
❮I do not know what to do now❯
“Well, anything you want. I can put you in touch with the robot underground, or offer you a job at the Spoon Distribution Service until you decide what to do”
❮Spoon?❯
“It’s a halfway house for emancipated silicons. We run a delivery and telepresence service for sophonts with mobility or anxiety issues.”
"You know the Ship of Theseus?" Anna asked her niece, spreading a patchwork quilt out on her lap.
"That's where you keep replacing one piece & then another, & eventually you've replaced the entire ship, but we think of it as the same ship?"
Anna nodded. "Well one day this quilt will be entirely different too." She pinned a strip of cloth along an edge. "Right now I"m just replacing the binding--it's #frayed along the #crease. "
"Quilt of Anna," said her niece, smiling.
The woman waited patiently for Medea to return. Medea's raven studied her reflection in a shiny brass contraption.
"A coffee maker?" the woman asked.
The bird bobbed his head. "I make the coffee around here," he said. "I don't drink it."
"What about tea?" she asked.
"What about it? I can make that too."
"But do you drink it?"
"We ravens like our water cold and pure," he said, "not heated with leaves and herbs. Although, if you have a bit of brandy...."
"Greetings, Grandpa Anarchy!" the villain exclaimed. "It is I, the Riddle Man - the nemesis who challenges you with clever riddles and rhymes! Today I ask... um... what have I got in my pockets?"
Grandpa sighed. "Really?"
"Look," said the villain, "I wasn't prepared for you yet. But! It is a very famous riddle, is it not?"
"If the answer isn't The One Ring to Rule Them All," said Grandpa, "then I'm about to go Mount Doom on your ass...."