a review of 气球
I found the story mostly boring. I assume in the ending there was something about the brevity of all the joyful and sorrowful things in life, and how holding onto the past is futile and only causes further suffering. But instead of watching the movie, I was watching my own memories. I reminisced about me and my mother going to the cemetery last summer. An oddly happy occasion. She told me her only concern in life was that I'm happy, and in her provincial way she could only imagine that scenario if I was married, had children and a steady job. I reflect on happiness sometimes, and how much time has passed since I first started suffering. I think most of my adult life has been devoted to making sense of it. Coming to terms with it. I told my mom back then that it really did not matter how my life turns out. My only concern has been to not cause suffering to the people I love. To not upset the natural flow of things. Failing to do that would always in return cause suffering to me. I don't really care about happiness. I don't want nothing I don't already have. I find peace in emptiness and non-involvement. My only hope is to fade into oblivion. I love you, mom.