DoYouMindUs - 标记
The Inmate Goodreads
Hollywood Upstairs Press 2022 - 6
There are three rules Brooke Sullivan must follow as a new nurse practitioner at a men’s maximum-security prison:<br /><br />1) Treat all prisoners with respect.<br /><br />2) Never reveal any personal information.<br /><br />3) Never EVER become too friendly with the inmates.<br /><br />But none of the staff at the prison knows Brooke has already broken the rules. Nobody knows about her intimate connection to Shane Nelson, one of the penitentiary’s most notorious and dangerous inmates.<br /><br />And they certainly don’t know that Shane was Brooke’s high school sweetheart—the star quarterback who is now spending the rest of his life in prison for a series of grisly murders. Or that Brooke's testimony was what put him there.<br /><br />But Shane knows.<br /><br />And he will never forget.
2023年6月19日 已读
It was ok. The twist was kinda cheesy & the epilogue was jaw dropping for no good reason.
The Housemaid 豆瓣
7.4 (5 个评分) 作者: Freida McFadden Bookouture 2022 - 4
“Welcome to the family,” Nina Winchester says as I shake her elegant, manicured hand. I smile politely, gazing around the marble hallway. Working here is my last chance to start fresh. I can pretend to be whoever I like. But I’ll soon learn that the Winchesters’ secrets are far more dangerous than my own…
Every day I clean the Winchesters’ beautiful house top to bottom. I collect their daughter from school. And I cook a delicious meal for the whole family before heading up to eat alone in my tiny room on the top floor.
I try to ignore how Nina makes a mess just to watch me clean it up. How she tells strange lies about her own daughter. And how her husband Andrew seems more broken every day. But as I look into Andrew’s handsome brown eyes, so full of pain, it’s hard not to imagine what it would be like to live Nina’s life. The walk-in closet, the fancy car, the perfect husband.
I only try on one of Nina’s pristine white dresses once. Just to see what it’s like. But she soon finds out… and by the time I realize my attic bedroom door only locks from the outside, it’s far too late.
But I reassure myself: the Winchesters don’t know who I really am.
They don’t know what I’m capable of…
An unbelievably twisty read that will have you glued to the pages late into the night. Anyone who loves The Woman in the Window, The Wife Between Us and The Girl on the Train won’t be able to put this down!
2023年5月30日 已读
好看!是一本拿起来就放不下去的书 读起来也很快 thriller该有的反转也够有力 如果喜欢Gillian flynn的风格 应该也会喜欢这一本 虽然这一本完全没有gillian flynn的文笔好 作为一个quick & leisure read完全够了
It Ends with Us 豆瓣
作者: Colleen Hoover Atria Books 2016 - 8
Lily hasn’t always had it easy, but that’s never stopped her from working hard for the life she wants. She’s come a long way from the small town in Maine where she grew up—she graduated from college, moved to Boston, and started her own business. So when she feels a spark with a gorgeous neurosurgeon named Ryle Kincaid, everything in Lily’s life suddenly seems almost too good to be true.
Ryle is assertive, stubborn, maybe even a little arrogant. He’s also sensitive, brilliant, and has a total soft spot for Lily. And the way he looks in scrubs certainly doesn’t hurt. Lily can’t get him out of her head. But Ryle’s complete aversion to relationships is disturbing. Even as Lily finds herself becoming the exception to his “no dating” rule, she can’t help but wonder what made him that way in the first place.
As questions about her new relationship overwhelm her, so do thoughts of Atlas Corrigan—her first love and a link to the past she left behind. He was her kindred spirit, her protector. When Atlas suddenly reappears, everything Lily has built with Ryle is threatened.
2023年5月28日 已读
the ending is really cool! i like how lily ended the generational trauma and can still co-parent with Ryle without traumatizing their daughter. don't know if i want to read more about Atlas tho... seems like a boring character
局外人 豆瓣
The Outsider
作者: 史蒂芬.金 皇冠 2019 - 7
在比賽進行到一半的球場上被粗魯地上銬逮捕,這恐怕是身兼小學棒球教練的英文老師泰倫斯這輩子最屈辱的一天!幾天前,弗林市發生了駭人聽聞的命案,一名少年陳屍在杳無人跡的樹林裡,死狀悽慘,而泰倫斯被目擊者指認是唯一的嫌犯。
然而,出乎警方預料的,即使DNA、血液、指紋都罪證確鑿,泰倫斯卻擁有完美的不在場證明。明明是同一個人,為什麼竟然能夠在相同的時間出現在不同的地方?讓警方也百思不得其解。
另一方面,私家偵探荷莉接下了泰倫斯的律師好友的委託,前往調查作案用的白色廂型車失竊案,卻意外發現另一起看護工虐殺小女孩的命案,犯案手法與泰倫斯案如出一轍。
隨著調查逐漸深入,荷莉發現所有細微的線索,都指向一個恐怖的墨西哥傳說。如果我們以為的兇手不是真正的兇手,就可能是那個正躲藏在黑暗中伺機而動的「局外人」……
2023年3月20日 已读
从murder mystery到paranormal 如果你喜欢这类的 这本还蛮好看的
The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo 豆瓣 Goodreads 谷歌图书
The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo
8.0 (28 个评分) 作者: Taylor Jenkins Reid Atria Books 2017 - 6
“Riveting, heart-wrenching, and full of Old Hollywood glamour, The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo is one of the most captivating reads of 2017.” —BuzzFeed
“The epic adventures Evelyn creates over the course of a lifetime will leave every reader mesmerized. This wildly addictive journey of a reclusive Hollywood starlet and her tumultuous Tinseltown journey comes with unexpected twists and the most satisfying of drama.” —PopSugar
In this entrancing novel “that speaks to the Marilyn Monroe and Elizabeth Taylor in us all” (Kirkus Reviews), a legendary film actress reflects on her relentless rise to the top and the risks she took, the loves she lost, and the long-held secrets the public could never imagine.
Aging and reclusive Hollywood movie icon Evelyn Hugo is finally ready to tell the truth about her glamorous and scandalous life. But when she chooses unknown magazine reporter Monique Grant for the job, no one is more astounded than Monique herself. Why her? Why now?
Monique is not exactly on top of the world. Her husband has left her, and her professional life is going nowhere. Regardless of why Evelyn has selected her to write her biography, Monique is determined to use this opportunity to jumpstart her career.
Summoned to Evelyn’s luxurious apartment, Monique listens in fascination as the actress tells her story. From making her way to Los Angeles in the 1950s to her decision to leave show business in the ‘80s, and, of course, the seven husbands along the way, Evelyn unspools a tale of ruthless ambition, unexpected friendship, and a great forbidden love. Monique begins to feel a very real connection to the legendary star, but as Evelyn’s story near its conclusion, it becomes clear that her life intersects with Monique’s own in tragic and irreversible ways.
“Heartbreaking, yet beautiful” (Jamie Blynn, Us Weekly), The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo is “Tinseltown drama at its finest” (Redbook): a mesmerizing journey through the splendor of old Hollywood into the harsh realities of the present day as two women struggle with what it means—and what it costs—to face the truth.
2021年12月3日 已读
我哭得好惨 在Celia和Evelyn结婚的时候和Connor死的时候 (btw 怎么会有人觉得Celia是个烦人的作精…以及觉得这本书在为骗婚洗白?need I remind you, all people in this book are consenting adults… they knew it’s a lavender marriage that they’re committed to)
The Silent Patient 豆瓣 Goodreads Goodreads
Alex Michaelides
7.5 (20 个评分) 作者: Alex Michaelides Celadon Books 2019 - 2
Promising to be the debut novel of the season The Silent Patient is a shocking psychological thriller of a woman’s act of violence against her husband—and of the therapist obsessed with uncovering her motive…
Alicia Berenson’s life is seemingly perfect. A famous painter married to an in-demand fashion photographer, she lives in a grand house with big windows overlooking a park in one of London’s most desirable areas. One evening her husband Gabriel returns home late from a fashion shoot, and Alicia shoots him five times in the face, and then never speaks another word.
Alicia’s refusal to talk, or give any kind of explanation, turns a domestic tragedy into something far grander, a mystery that captures the public imagination and casts Alicia into notoriety. The price of her art skyrockets, and she, the silent patient, is hidden away from the tabloids and spotlight at the Grove, a secure forensic unit in North London.
Theo Faber is a criminal psychotherapist who has waited a long time for the opportunity to work with Alicia. His determination to get her to talk and unravel the mystery of why she shot her husband takes him down a twisting path into his own motivations—a search for the truth that threatens to consume him....
2021年8月12日 已读
An actual page turner. 正义得到了伸张 (虽然我剧透了自己 但是还是觉得是本好书)
Flowers for Algernon 豆瓣 谷歌图书
8.7 (39 个评分) 作者: Daniel Keyes Mariner Books 2004 - 6
With more than five million copies sold, Flowers for Algernon is the beloved, classic story of a mentally disabled man whose experimental quest for intelligence mirrors that of Algernon, an extraordinary lab mouse. In poignant diary entries, Charlie tells how a brain operation increases his IQ and changes his life. As the experimental procedure takes effect, Charlie's intelligence expands until it surpasses that of the doctors who engineered his metamorphosis. The experiment seems to be a scientific breakthrough of paramount importance-until Algernon begins his sudden, unexpected deterioration. Will the same happen to Charlie?
An American classic that inspired the award-winning movie Charly, Flowers for Algernon now returns to Harcourt as a Harvest paperback.
2021年8月9日 已读
终于有时间看完这本Root最喜欢的书了
“please if you get a chanse put some flowrs on Algernons grave in the bak yard."
The Lettered Mountain 豆瓣
作者: Frank L. Salomon / Mercedes Nino-Murcia Duke University Press Books 2011 - 11
Andean peoples joined the world of alphabetic literacy nearly 500 years ago, yet the history of their literacy has remained hidden until now. In The Lettered Mountain, Frank Salomon and Mercedes Nino-Murcia expand notions of literacy and challenge stereotypes of Andean "orality" by analyzing the writings of mountain villagers from Inka times to the Internet era. Their historical ethnography is based on extensive research in the village of Tupicocha, in the central Peruvian province of Huarochiri. The region has a special place in the history of Latin American letters as the home of the unique early-seventeenth-century Quechua-language book explaining Peru's ancient gods and priesthoods. Granted access to Tupicocha's surprisingly rich internal archives, Salomon and Nino-Murcia found that legacy reflected in a distinctive version of lettered life developed prior to the arrival of state schools. In their detailed ethnography, writing emerges as a vital practice underlying specifically Andean sacred culture and self-governance. At the same time, the authors find that Andean relations with the nation-state have been disadvantaged by state writing standards developed in dialogue with European academies but not with the rural literate tradition.
2021年5月14日 已读 非常晦涩,放在一学期的最后两周读尤其是个错误。这本书让我了解了为什么我不喜欢anthropology
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Reading is My Window 豆瓣
作者: Sweeney, Megan 2010 - 2
Drawing on extensive interviews with ninety-four women prisoners, Megan Sweeney examines how incarcerated women use available reading materials to come to terms with their pasts, negotiate their present experiences, and reach toward different futures.
Invitations to Love 豆瓣
作者: Laura M. Ahearn University of Michigan Press 2001 - 11
"Invitations to Love" provides a close examination of the dramatic shift away from arranged marriage and capture marriage toward elopement in the village of Junigau, Nepal. Laura M. Ahearn shows that young Nepalese people are applying their newly acquired literacy skills to love-letter writing, fostering a transition that involves not only a shift in marriage rituals, but also a change in how villagers conceive of their own ability to act and attribute responsibility for events. These developments have potential ramifications that extend far beyond the realm of marriage and well past the Himalayas. The love-letter correspondences examined by Ahearn also provide a deeper understanding of the social effects of literacy. While the acquisition of literary skills may open up new opportunities for some individuals, such skills can also impose new constraints, expectations, and disappointments. The increase in female literacy rates in Junigau in the 1990s made possible the emergence of new courtship practices and facilitated self-initiated marriages, but it also reinforced certain gender ideologies and undercut some avenues to social power, especially for women. Scholars, and students in such fields as anthropology, women's studies, linguistics, development studies, and South Asian studies will find this book ethnographically rich and theoretically insightful. Laura M. Ahearn is Assistant Professor of Anthropology, Rutgers University.
2021年4月11日 已读
读了前四章 我觉得作者呈现材料的方式真的好有趣阿
(04/03/2021更:这书有点高开低走了 后面几章就没太精彩了 而且这分析有点不痛不痒 作者一直在强调 不想impose自己的views on people 但是面对明显的sexism也不去进行批判……这就是researcher的objectiveness吗)
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Informal Learning and Literacy among Maasai Women 豆瓣
作者: Taeko Takayanagi Routledge 2020
Informal Learning and Literacy among Maasai Women highlights the importance and role of informal education in the emancipation and development of Maasai village women in Kenya. At present, knowledge and research on the impact of informal learning and literacy on community development is limited, and there is a gap between policy level discussions and women’s lived experiences. Using a postcolonial feminist framework, this book sets out to examine linkages between informal learning and literacy, human development and gender inequality.
Despite improvements in recent years, access to traditional education remains restricted for many women in rural communities across Kenya. Takayangi’s book is the first to introduce how Maasai village women utilise informal learning and literacy for collective empowerment as well as to sustain their own well-being and that of their families. It presents the perspectives of both local women and institutions and argues that women’s learning is most effective when located within their own socio-cultural and political discourses, and when their voices are listened to and heard.
This ethnographic research study is a valuable resource that will contribute to the knowledge of literacy from both theoretical and practical perspectives. It is an essential read for those studying or researching information education, development studies and gender, or education, as well as for teachers, community leaders and aid workers.
2021年3月23日 已读
phd dissertation写成这样也可以毕业+出版真是给了我极大的信心
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步步惊心 豆瓣
7.3 (90 个评分) 作者: 桐华 民族出版社 2006 - 6
一脚踏空的少女,穿越千年的时空,从繁华都市的深圳来到风云诡变的宫廷。正处于争位时候的阿哥们,款款深情的目光后,带着探究、带着诱惑也带着几分真真假假的心疼。她努力地想避开着历史的洪流,但那一双双幽暗深邃的眼睛却将拉住……
2021年3月7日 已读
人太多了 每看几章都要翻到维基百科看看到底谁是谁 看的时候一门心思用在记人物了 情节记不住 看到60%左右决定弃了
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Writing from These Roots 豆瓣
作者: Duffy, John M. Univ of Hawaii Pr 2007 - 8
Writing from These Roots documents the historical development of literacy in a Midwestern American community of Laotian Hmong, a people who came to the United States as refugees from the Vietnam War and whose language had no widely accepted written form until one created by missionary-linguists was adopted in the late twentieth century by Hmong in Laos and, later, the U.S. and other Western nations. As such, the Hmong have often been described as "preliterates," "nonliterates," or members of an "oral culture." Although such terms are problematic, it is nevertheless true that the majority of Hmong did not read or write in any language when they arrived in the U.S. For this reason, the Hmong provide a unique opportunity to study the forces that influence the development of reading and writing abilities in cultures in which writing is not widespread and to do so within the context of the political, economic, religious, military, and migratory upheavals classified broadly as "globalization."
The Psychology of Literacy 豆瓣
作者: Sylvia Scribner / Michael Cole Harvard University Press 1981 - 10
What are the intrinsic differences between the literate and the illiterate mind? Beginning perhaps with Plato, there is a long history of speculation about the power of the written word to amplify human mental capacities. In The Psychology of Literacy, Sylvia Scribner and Michael Cole go beyond speculation by exploring a unique natural experiment.
The Vai, a small West African group, developed their own system of writing early in the nineteenth century. Although the script flourishes today in everyday use, no body of written literature exists and about half of those literate in Vai have never had formal schooling. Given this situation, Scribner and Cole were able to test more than 1,000 subjects over a four-year period to measure the mental leverage of literates over non-literates. Some of their results are startling. For example, literates showed little or no superiority over non-literates in tests of memory, conceptual agility, and deductive reasoning; superiority was shown within a circumference of skills closely related to successful reading and writing. Scribner and Cole conclude that the mental derivatives of literacy are not automatic. Much depends upon how the act of writing is embedded in the culture and the purposes for which it is used.
The Psychology of Literacy promises to stand for a long time as a model for cross-cultural research and as a mile stone in the study of literacy and its effects.
告别夹边沟 豆瓣 谷歌图书
9.7 (49 个评分) 作者: 杨显惠 上海文艺出版社 2003 - 8
《告别夹边沟》虽然大多有原型和真人真事做基础,但它们毕竟是艺术品,是小说——纪实性小说。作为一种艺术创作,由于事件本身长期的隐蔽性和一朝揭开真相带来的震惊,由于素材来源的特殊性和特定性,这部以夹边沟事件为原型的作品很难不采取纪实小说的方式,它甚至也无法摆脱采访体和转述体等等新闻手法的运用。应该承认,这部作品的感染力,有一半来自基本事实的惊人,但是,倘若没有作家主体的创造性重构,也绝不可能拥有现在这样强烈的震撼力。
2021年1月14日 已读
这本居然回来了 我还是建议读这本之前做好心理准备 比如我虽然觉得这本书很有价值 但是不会去劝人读。
最蓝的眼睛 豆瓣
The Bluest Eye
8.6 (57 个评分) 作者: [美] 托妮·莫里森 译者: 杨向荣 南海出版公司 2013 - 8
★ 邪恶的人以邪恶的方式去爱,残暴的人以残暴的方式去爱,软弱的人以软弱的方式去爱,愚蠢的人以愚蠢的方式去爱。
★ 《时代周刊》十大争议书籍 | 美国图书馆协会百大禁书
★ 耶鲁大学文学公开课指定阅读书
★ 诺贝尔文学奖得主托妮·莫里森处女作
那一年的秋季,金盏花没有发芽。当时,我们以为那是因为佩科拉怀了她父亲的孩子。
很久以后,我和姐姐才承认我们的种子不会长出绿芽了。我们的天真、信念跟她父亲的兽欲或者绝望相同,全都颗粒无收。佩科拉的父亲死了,我们的纯真也死了。种子枯死了,她的孩子也死了。
2020年8月24日 已读
我觉得很散 读不顺 可能是我没看明白 也可能是翻译的问题
豆瓣 Goodreads
5.7 (15 个评分) 作者: 孙频 北京联合出版公司 2017 - 8
本书精选作者孙频近十年来作者生涯中最杰出的6个中篇作品,这些作品侧重于写底层人物面对磨难与困境的挣扎,还有新旧一代关于故土的矛盾以及梦想的破碎等等。更从无数个跌宕起伏的命运回声中,带给我们一片震撼的精神与生存景观。

书中多篇文章曾在发表的《收获》、《花城》等杂志引起轰动,而这次完完全全在未曾删减的情况下呈现给读者。

《乩身》里两个残缺的人,最后都用自己的方式跳出了自己的地狱,获得一种新生。虽然他们最后都死了,但他们都以为,他们所选择的是极好的。

《东山宴》里的采采和阿德那缺爱的采采渴望着幻想中的被抚摸,那失去母亲的阿德把头钻进土中只为了和死去的母亲团聚。我边写边流泪,温暖着自己,也虐待着自己,作家的命运,至死方休。

《我看过草叶葳蕤》里的李天星是一个时代转变中的零余人,怀揣着艺术的梦想,却一再被现实践踏和捉弄。直到有一天,所有的女人对他来说都变成了草叶腐败的气味,所有的女人对他来说都变成了一种符号,而唯有那已经年老的被他嫌弃的女人还站在县城的汽车站等着他的归来。他怎么能不选择归去,不选择和她一起去观看那百货大楼的消逝?

《因父之名》里那没有了父亲的女儿,是经历了怎样一种磨难才会把强奸自己的老头儿认作父亲,认作*的亲人,把这感情认作真正的爱情,因为在她即将崩溃的时候,他告诉她,他会保护她的,他不会把她遭遇的不幸告诉任何人的。所以从那一刻起,他成了她真正意义上的父亲和整个世界,成了他的奴隶、他圈养的宠物、他的工具。而她还要在最后为了他而逼死自己真正的父亲。

《无相》中的女大学生,为了每个月的一点生活费而忍受老教授提出的被抚摸的要求,尽管她理解他的孤独,理解他对年轻身体的渴望,但还是要在最后选择见死不救。因为她觉得他无耻,正如她自己一样,同样的无耻。

《祛魅》里方山中学女老师李林燕的身上有多少女人的影子?年轻时不合时宜的心高气傲,幻想着远处的爱情和男人,而鄙弃眼前最踏实的生活,直到有一天承认不能再继续骗自己,却发现自己已经与现实的环境脱离,自己已经是一个遥远的边缘人,于是只能选择更无奈的路,做诗人的情妇,嫁给自己的男学生。直到有一天这一切也无法保全,她必须做更残酷的选择。

孙频从熟悉的城乡、家庭出发,用充满悲悯的人文笔触,诚实地写出了人的困境、苦难。她笔下的这些人就像大地的盐一样,也许只是附着在土地上最边缘、最无人问津的一群人,始终承受着现实的无奈,但他们为改变生活、为维持尊严、为理想所付出的努力,值得每一个人尊敬或是同情。
2020年8月23日 已读
看完前四篇还觉得是苏童+安妮宝贝的混合文风 结果直接被倒数第二篇爹到看不下去差点弃读 男人的无病呻吟真叫人讨厌阿
使女的故事 豆瓣
The Handmaid’s Tale
9.0 (56 个评分) 作者: [加拿大] 玛格丽特·阿特伍德 译者: 陈小慰 上海译文出版社 2020 - 7
全球现象级畅销书,经典形象新版回归
同名剧集前三季豆瓣平均8.8分,第四季2021年即将播出
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“我们中那些有幸在1985年《使女的故事》面世伊始就读过小说的人,肯定还记得当初这部作品带来的震撼,既有一种幽闭恐惧式的精准,又有那种令人惊愕的先知先觉。”
——《卫报》
“我一直认为玛格丽特•阿特伍德很快就能获诺贝尔奖,且我现在仍这么想,仍希望她得奖。”——石黑一雄
“可怕的是她在三十年前就预见了这一切。当我第一次读这本书时,曾以为我们足够理性,这样的事情不可能真的发生。三十年过去了,我意识到过去的自己过于乐观……这本书是我们中的预警者。”
——尼尔•盖曼
“她始终在提醒我们,关注正在发生的事。这真的很重要。”——珍妮特•温特森
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奥芙弗雷德是基列共和国的一名使女。她是这个国家中为数不多能够生育的女性之一,被分配到没有后代的指挥官家庭,帮助他们生育子嗣。和这个国家里的其他女性一样,她没有行动的自由,被剥夺了财产、工作和阅读的权利。除了某些特殊的日子,使女们每天只被允许结伴外出一次购物,她们的一举一 动都受到“眼目”的监视。更糟糕的是,在这个疯狂的世界里,人类不仅要面对生态恶化、经济危机等问题,还陷入了相互敌视、等级分化和肆意杀戮的混乱局面。女性并非这场浩劫中唯一被压迫的对象,每个人都是这个看似荒诞的世界里的受害者。
2020年8月22日 已读
It was written in 1984. How ironic.
煤气灯效应 豆瓣
The Gaslight Effect :How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life
7.0 (67 个评分) 作者: [美]罗宾·斯特恩 译者: 刘彦 中信出版集团 2020 - 6
【编辑推荐】
★中国大陆引进首部完整分析“煤气灯操控”的重量级经典心理学作品。
★煤气灯操纵的本质是双方共同打造的一种关系,因此它被称为“煤气灯探戈”。它表现为情感虐待、情感操纵、PUA……
★全面解读婚姻、职场、家庭中无所不在的精神操控,6点计划、5种方法 教你快速识别并摆脱毒性关系。
★作者具有权威背景。美国耶鲁大学情商中心联合创始人、心理分析师,罗宾·斯特恩博士奠基之作。30年实践经验大公开;出版10年,依旧经典。
★这本书帮助不计其数的人找回了自尊和力量。
★“煤气灯效应”一词来源于1944年美国上映的一部知名老电影《煤气灯下》,该片主要讲述了钢琴师安东作为丈夫,通过不断对妻子宝拉进行精神操控从而使其发疯,以霸占其所继承的财产的故事。
★心理学界知名作者和国际媒体力荐。中信畅销书《情商》作者丹尼尔·戈尔曼重磅推荐。国际媒体包括《今日心理学》、《赫芬顿邮报》、时代网、《华盛顿邮报》、《国会山报》和《哈佛商业评论》等。
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【内容提要】
你努力改变自己,希望成为好伴侣、好员工、好儿女,却始终无法获得肯定。
也许这不是因为你还不够好,而是你无意识地被操控了……
你对自己的看法往往来自周围人的评价?你是否总在向父母、伴侣和领导道歉?你的父母数落你的穿着、工作、朋友还有交往对象,你却反思也许他们的意见都是对的?你很难做出简单的决定,并且经常自我怀疑?
如果你也符合以上的情形,小心!你很可能已经被“煤气灯操纵”了!
“煤气灯操纵”是一种阴险的情感虐待和操纵形式,很难识别,甚至很难摆脱。这是因为它触发了我们内心无比恐惧的诱因——被遗弃;还触发了我们内心深切的被理解、被赏识和被爱的需求。
在这本开创性的著作中,拥有超过30年心理咨询经验的知名心理治疗师罗宾·斯特恩博士向你展示了煤气灯操纵的运作模式,从认清煤气灯操纵的三个阶段,到停止煤气灯操纵的五种方法,以及你该如何决定哪些关系还有救、哪些需要尽早离开的判断准则。只要提高警觉、保持坦诚、学会求助,你便可以立刻终止这些“毒性关系”。你也会发现,你值得对自己更好一点!
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你被煤气灯操纵了吗?
启动你的煤气灯检测雷达查看以下几个报警信号:
1.你反复质疑自己。
2.你每天数十次地问自己:“我是不是太敏感了?”
3.你经常在工作的时候感到困惑,甚至有些失去理智。
4.你总在向父母、男友和领导道歉。
5.你经常考虑自己是不是一个合格的女友、妻子、员工、朋友或女儿。
6.你想不明白,为什么生活里有那么多精彩的事,你却总是不够开心。
7.你给自己买衣服、给自己的公寓买家具,或者买其他的个人用品时,脑子里却一直考虑的是他喜欢什么,而不是自己喜欢什么。
8.你经常在朋友和家人面前为伴侣找借口。
9.你发现自己开始对朋友和家人隐瞒某些信息,这样你就不用再对他们解释,或者在他们面前找借口。
10.你知道出了严重的问题,但你就是没办法表达清楚,甚至连自己也搞不清原因。
11.为了躲避伴侣贬低你的言语和对现实的扭曲,你开始撒谎。
12.你连简单的事都拿不定主意。
13.你在闲谈时也要三思。
14.在伴侣回家之前,你会先在脑子里过一遍自己这一天做错了哪些事情。
15.你觉得自己现在和以前大不相同——以前更自信、更爱玩、更放松。
16.你开始通过丈夫的秘书和他对话,这样你就不用直接告诉他那些可能会让他不开心的事。
17.你觉得自己做什么都不对。
18.你的孩子开始在你的伴侣面前保护你。
19.你发现开始对一向相处愉快的人发火。
20.你感到绝望,郁郁寡欢。
煤气灯操纵存在于任何关系中,可能是伴侣、雇主、亲戚或朋友。
如果你符合以上其中几点,那么你务必要翻开这本书。
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【名人推荐】
从社会智能的角度,这本书提供给读者辨识并且对抗情绪虐待的方法……它点亮了一盏明灯,指引人们远离关系的阴暗面。
──《情商》作者/丹尼尔·戈尔曼
本书极富同情心且无比坦诚,这本书就像我们在艰难处境中,遇到的一位性格坚定、实话实说的朋友。罗宾·斯特恩会让你知道,在这些毒性关系中你并非孤身一人,她会帮助你辨识自身扮演的角色,以及该如何改变现状,最终你将成为更强大、更有智慧的人!
──《古怪女孩》作者/雷切尔·西蒙斯
本书是求生的必要工具。心理治疗师罗宾·斯特恩以清晰、舒心且练达的语调,循序渐进地带着她遭受心理虐待的读者踏上旅程,帮助他们找回对生活和命运的掌控力。
──《女人何苦为难女人》作者/菲莉丝·切斯勒博士
强而有力的指南,清楚地说明这种隐性操纵于公于私所带来的恶果。
──经济学家、《让世界看见你》作者/席薇雅·安·惠列
她杜绝情感操纵的策略既实际又可执行,将重点放在提升自尊并且设想可能的结果……强烈推荐!
──图书馆杂志
清楚有力地点出经常被忽略的议题──情感虐待……我非常确定这本书将会改善许多人的生活。
──美国学业、社会与情绪学习合作协会/琳达·蓝提艾里
罗宾·斯特恩博士是当今极为聪慧的女子之一,我们能从她身上学到许多。
──《怕飞》作者/埃丽卡·容
2020年8月19日 已读
很实际的一本书 很多内容是教你具体怎么做 心理分析的过程其实没有很多 还是瑕不掩瑜吧